Monday, November 16, 2015

Peace not WAR.

God, what is happening to our World?   Can you Embrace us all in your LOVING ARMS and Protect us, please? I feel so helpless , vulnerable and insecured. God, Almighty, I lift up EVERYTHING to you. I have most fervent prayers to the children in Syria. God, hold them. Hold them. It is almost impossible to ask this ----- but can I say something crazy? Can you change the minds of those people planning to rage war? Whoever they are, can you make their minds clear and re-think of their plans?

I pray. We pray for HUMANITY, Forgive us. Help us.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

and so the QUESTION.

My colleague got so intrigued of the years I have known my husband.
I told him --It seemed forever but Yes, I knew him since KINDERGARTEN.

But he rephrased and asked, how long have you been together? I sat there and got confused. For we were not in continuous state , our relationship never was. So, i finally got what he meant. Recalling it was painful but funny at the same time .  Ours, was not straightforward, it was an adventure.

So, let me tell you a short story ( forgive me if It would take some time to read this though, it is hard to organize my thoughts) Besides, one of these days, my children will start reading this and I want them to know our LOVE STORY.

So, Chuck and I - the rumors are true, we first met at Kindergarten and fell in love. Oppsss.  I remembered vividly how I first met him. It was the local Sinulog Festival  ( 1984?) of our parish and he was the Sto. Nino, I was one of the girls showering him flowers. I can't believe how vivid that was. I remembered the exact dress I wore that day, it was a green gown , a bit ruffled with satin trimmings.  I carried a basketful of petals. My hair is short,make up on and I remembered him.

The second clear mem'ry of him was in Elementary, This time, he had a big crush on me, waaah. Oh yeah, he made sure I noticed him.  Events that convenes our schools are extra exciting. This feeling recurs each Sunday as he serves as an altar boy at church. He such a charmer but still, I won't have the courage to flirt nor to put across any feeling I have for him. My PRIDE is up there! Yes, I was always on guard.

And comes Secondary. Must be the mem'ries that I am most fond of with the hormonal changes, school dramas and heaps of things!  I love highschool LIFE to say the least.  I thought this is the time of my life that I was madly , crazily in love with the LOVE idea, too immature to even differentiate what is real and dreamy. I am mostly in dreamy state. So, I had crushes, but what was more exciting about highschool is more than that- I had admirers! And I enjoyed that very much! Had a couple of relationships and flings every now and then but with myChuck, we tried sorting out our feelings between friends or Lover.  We really were good friends and would have wanted to maintained that, however some crazy immature decisions were made on the night of our Gaduation, took the plunge.   It was March 24,1994. wohooo 21 years ago.

And the huge changes came. We were not prepared for this, nor our relationship. We were two different people wanting to fit in the College Life. Our relationship drowned with it. And then, I started a very crazy, romantic affair with someone whom I thought was the LOVE of my LIFE. It lasted for some 3 crazy years in multitude of emotions and state. I was soo young then. I was swept off, madly in love and had ' who cares' attitude. Where's myChuck in all these?- he was just right there, going for the same uni but we seldom see each other in the campus. There few moments where he snaps and asks me how I was--and Oh God, i remembered how I felt those days. It feels like a pang of PAIN. I was in a relationship and I know he wanted me so much but he doesn't fight , will not fight for how he feels for me. He meets new people and falls in love as well. So, for 4 years, we kept paths away from each other, not until 24th March 1998 came. SO, you are right. Exactly 4 years from 1994. The universe conspired and made it happen. The paths we've been avoiding made it's way upon us, it is almost eerie to recall but it happened.

Awkward, yes it was in the beginning. But it feels like two old souls picking up where they have left off. That day, we decided to believe in MAGIC. Oh yeah, that song from David Pomeranz is very relevant to us.

But our story didn't end there. We got separated again in very diplomatic way this time and we're back again on the 9th of May 1999. And this time, I had not choice but to stick with him for he is not allowing separation to be an option anymore. We cried until our only option was to work out our differences, our prides and our circumstances. We've been to heaps and mountains of issues together and each time we are in the brink of breaking down, we go back to that magical date and we knew--we were meant to be with each other. And that separation will never be an option.

So, we got married on the 21st of December 2003. And we were living separate lives literally in between the 1999 to 2003, but we've held on. And I am very proud of what we went through! Looking back, I see what an amazing journey it has been.

Then our life together in Manila. His life alone overseas. Our life together in Singapore. And eventually Sydney!

Our days together has always been a roller coaster ride and I enjoyed it so much!

This year marks our 12th year wedding Anniversary. The numbers of years doesn't count much now. Loving each other in this lifetime is what matters.

Monday, November 09, 2015

Thanks for the uncertainties.

Lord, forgive me if I haven't been patient.
Forgive me if I have been so in control.
Forgive my shortcomings.

I thank you God, for the uncertainties of the road ahead. I ask forgiveness if sometimes, I derive positivity from the circumstances surrounding me instead of relying on you, only You.  I am very sorry for depending on my own understanding and for forgetting that You are sovereign that You alone provides the perfect understanding and the perfect timing.

Thank you for my parents.  Thanks for the their Health. Thanks for the Protection. Thanks for who they are , thank you for making me belong to them. Thank you letting me have the chance to experience this beautiful life.

Thank you for a husband that loves me very much. 
Your Grace Oh God is sufficient. It strengthens me.  Teach me to be humble and take away the pride that hinders me from receiving your blessings! 

I was in pensive move lately of the things I have done in my life and honestly, I am astounded at how great God's plan is. It is so grand that I was clueless really. I dream small things , yes I do. I am less of an ambitious person, I am not competitive and not aggressive. I like keeping things simple, free from fuss and less stressful. So, i thought I am living it the mediocre way. But looking at it, hey No! He is the Master planner, I can only obey and no, I don't live out of mediocrity, I have the best God, and I am experiencing the BEST LIFE! 

How about you? How are you feeling about your life right now?
What's there not to LOVE?

Tuesday, November 03, 2015

i have been away from myself

and it has cost me so much turmoil within. Oh yes, I sat down at my kitchen one night and thought that life no matter how it becomes chaotic is sending me sufficient positivism to keep me moving.

so, we moved to our new place on the 26th September. Mama had to wake us up at 5:30am to make sure the sun ain't up yet when we reach our new home.  Some kinda tradition with a basketful of Rice, Oil, Water that signifies abundance according to ----i dunno. But I obeyed, I need abundance in this lifetime, so whatever it takes to prepare for it, I will do it.

This move was done in the midst of my quarter-end at work. Which can really be taxing emotionally and mentally. And on top of that is my CPA examinations. Wow, all that in the last 2 months.

But our God is sovereign.He refreshes me each morning and I feel anew.

My prayers.
For God, to show me more reason to be compassionate, to be kind-hearted and to free my heart from all ill feelings. Oh God, teach my heart to be gentle and calm.

There is too much going on in my life, too many things to think about that all i can do is to sit in here and wait. Patiently wait and see!

I am seriously thinking of looking for a new job. I really do.

Hey first week of 2024!

( Jan 8) I am on my best mood today- best state mentally and I am happy and fulfilled of how my day is going. How about you? I am feeling ha...