Monday, January 04, 2021

2nd January not a NIGHT to spark JOY

 Instead of sparking JOY, I sparked ANGER on this night, I believe I have been enduring far too long.

Tried to hold back lots of negative energy lately and could easily spark anytime and this is the night that I wasn't waiting for but has to HAPPEN.

I am not sorry for the HONESTY.  I am not sorry that I had to release it all.  It is meant and has to happen.  This family is not meant to keep ill feelings within, it is not a HEALTHY way to live through life. 

I resolve that this year, we have to be clear of this intention. If we are intending to be transparent to the ones we hope to live closely with -- we have to be honest through communication and not build up from little things of annoyance which really builds up to  an Anger not easy to mend ( based on EXPERIENCE). That is number ONE.

And with that, I need to be vocal of my feelings towards my RELATIONSHIPS, especially my very core. Especially on feelings when I am mostly happy and in love and in deep gratitude of their presence in my life. 

Also ,I need to let go of the relationships that are toxic ( which I have done in the past).  It doesn't mean hating those people but just keeping the ample distance to keep my feelings on check.

PATIENCE - I have worked so hard on last year and I have mixed results. To some aspects, it worked but creates chain of disappointments as well.  My drive to be patient also builds up a growing anger within which was really unhealthy. I am really confused. 

STRENGTHEN THE MINDSET - negative thoughts provoke frowning on otherwise beautiful days that I worked hard. 

KEEP CALM - on things that you couldn't figure out just yet. No rush.

In 2021, I am decided to LOVE myself , by pursuing the things that truly sparks JOY within me.  

Remember, it all starts with ME! So. me first! 

Monday, August 31, 2020

How this Year started?

Let me recall......

2020 actually started with major devastation in some parts of Australia of the huge bush fire. A lot of attention and funds poured into the country. Homes, livelihood, flora and fauna suffered from this. It was definitely the result of the global warning enough to cripple the country.

It was a year that we look forward as a family because Nedz is getting married! I had to cut short my parent's trip here in Sydney so we could all fly back to Philippines. But didn't come seamlessly as Mt Taal's eruption threatened our flights. And my fellows in Philippines suffered a lot of this experience--- their livelihood, and their lives.

Nonetheless our flights were not affected and we flew via Singapore as planned. Had a very short catch up with our Sg friends that we haven't socialized in ages! Oh, how we missed Singapore! We had good 5 years of memries as a family in the country ( i will prolly right something about this stop over.)

So, here's the wedding that my sister conceptualized, we planned and executed.
                                                                         Nothing fancy, just LOVE!

That day was very humid, I think we all soaked in our sweat while we were dancing but the most important thing is the good LORD blessed us with the grace of marriage that day.  And I can only pray and hope that my sister and brother in law will tackle this journey with openness and in pure desire to be each other's shoulder.  When one is weak, the other had to take over.

Had Nedz and Cyril executed this ceremony in July as originally planned, we wouldn't have witnessed this day.

Believe it or not, this was probably the major positive memory I had of 2020.  We had a good start and I still am hoping badly that human lives will recover from these tragedies of 2020.

Overall, a difficult year for all of us!

Thankfully, we had a very good start of 2020 to hold on to, sealed with a KISS!

Friday, April 24, 2020


of the small things often the ones we neglect but the ones that truly made me happy these days.

Thank you for the quiet morning without the pressure to rush. The mornings that I could soak in the bounty of the days that passed and what's to come! A time to stay quiet and ponder.

So, on the morning of today, I opened the blinds in my bedroom and saw the glimmer of the sun, I can already tell the sun is going to shine pretty!

I was tempted to think of the agenda at work but I resisted it but instead decided to start the day listening to a talk from Dr. Shefali, an inspirational speaker which I started to follow recently. I was captivated to say the least and was planning to continue listening another session within the day.

I had to start the zumba immediately after the session I listened to , so I have enough time to get my coffee and go for my 8am meeting. Today is Friday by the way, end of week and I am usually creative on Fridays :-) and also today, I have focused on things that I am thankful the most;

- that I have a job and that it enables me to take care of my children while earning

- that I am not away from my children in this unprecedented times

- that my heart is CALM and my temperament is STABLE

- that my husband loves me

- that I am capable of realizing my limitations, my mistakes and what I can and cannot change

a Special privilege for 15 years....

A very late post indeed but in September 2019, Cheyenne turned 15.

Sʰᵉ ᶦˢ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ Rᴀʀᴇ Oɴᴇs...
ˢᵒ Eғғᴏʀᴛʟᴇssʟʏ Hᴇʀsᴇʟғ.
ᵃⁿᵈ ᴡe ᒪOᐯᗴ ʜᴇʀ ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ

She never demands, she don't overdo things, she thrives on simplicity BUT---make sure she has her skincare products, ELSE.

In short, she is never LIKE me and I love that, because I want her to be who she is,  not because I am her mom.  I am merely a vessel who brought her up and would strive hard to be the parent she needed.

I am truly grateful to God, He allowed me to become your mother. I know that a lot of wonderful surprises is in store for you in the future and i can't wait to see your eyes glitter when you feel most happy! 

It was a cold September morning on the 11th of September 2019, a winter's tail.

Thank you for coming into our lives! 

As we enter April 2020.

All these commotion started last month here in Straya but earlier on other parts of the globe.
The virus killed 88k of people around the Globe in a very short span of time.
As of this writing, there are 1.6M people infected , 330k recovered globally. These are mere numbers, I became dumb of this for sometime now and I felt like the past days were a blur. I have stopped looking up on news trying to live normally.

Living life to the fullest daily has become a struggle, when the future is uncertain. I know, I am asked to keep positive, but I cannot pretend it is business as usual. So , these pendulum of emotions haunt me- I am either very happy, or panicky, I cannot focus on tasks at hand and easily I get distracted.

So, took me a bit of time to gather my senses and re-focus as I was on denial for 4 weeks. Thought this is just a nightmare but looked like this is going to  be our new normal and whilst we grieve of the past, we also are hoping for better days.

So, I am going to keep my days entertained whilst waiting but also progressing on my acceptance in a way.

Let's start with this Q&A , inspired by instagram @abideph:


An ordinary object that I find beautiful: 

my newly re-potted plants as they thrive

A sight or sound that makes me smile: 

the voice of my children talking while taking out the dishes from the dishwasher
high-pitched Kylene and soothing, calm voice Cheyenne

A person who inspires me.

Dr. Shefali
I have seen her talk twice until today and plans to listen to her talks more

A song that calms me

This song from Mama Mia OST, Our Last Summer

A phrase that makes me feel hopeful

we are allowed to grieve

A glimpse of spring in Amsterdam last year visiting Van Gogh!

Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Kylene is 6! ( wot???)

Kylene turned 6 in August 23, 2019

No BIG parties but our HEARTS are HUGE with these CELEBRATIONS!
Thank you God, for this year of health, happiness and laughter! 

2019 was a year to bring back what matters most.  Simple and memorable.
I find it really special that we spend those important days of our lives together.

No fuzzy preparations. All energy and attention to "us"
We played 'shato' in the park and did some crafts!
It turned out to be beautiful!

Happy , cheerful , You!
My Kylene, I thank God you came into our LIVES!

Happy Birthday song on this link!

Cheyenne's 10th birthday post here

Monday, February 17, 2020

I LOVE being your MOTHER

I wouldn't want anything more than being here with you as your MAMA. I will not apologize for not always being 100% NICE because I can't 😁,

BUT here's what I could promise.

- I will strive hard to  be someone you will look up to that means I will be a better version of myself everyday

- I will show to you that you cannot rely on your own abilities alone and that you have to call on God in all circumstances
- I will let you experience difficulty and let you find ways to cope with it 

- I will be quiet and still when you need me to. I will not nag when not needed. ( i will try)

- I am your safe place, come to me.

I will let you live independently in this LIFE.  I will not be over-hovering you but I will LINGER around you so that you know I am near.  Call on me and find comfort with my company.

I LOVE YOU my dearest daughters. 

OPEN my HEART and you will see HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME! 

( Chy & Ky in South Korea - April 2019)

2nd January not a NIGHT to spark JOY

 Instead of sparking JOY, I sparked ANGER on this night, I believe I have been enduring far too long. Tried to hold back lots of negative en...