Instead of sparking JOY, I sparked ANGER on this night, I believe I have been enduring far too long.
Tried to hold back lots of negative energy lately and could easily spark anytime and this is the night that I wasn't waiting for but has to HAPPEN.
I am not sorry for the HONESTY. I am not sorry that I had to release it all. It is meant and has to happen. This family is not meant to keep ill feelings within, it is not a HEALTHY way to live through life.
I resolve that this year, we have to be clear of this intention. If we are intending to be transparent to the ones we hope to live closely with -- we have to be honest through communication and not build up from little things of annoyance which really builds up to an Anger not easy to mend ( based on EXPERIENCE). That is number ONE.
And with that, I need to be vocal of my feelings towards my RELATIONSHIPS, especially my very core. Especially on feelings when I am mostly happy and in love and in deep gratitude of their presence in my life.
Also ,I need to let go of the relationships that are toxic ( which I have done in the past). It doesn't mean hating those people but just keeping the ample distance to keep my feelings on check.
PATIENCE - I have worked so hard on last year and I have mixed results. To some aspects, it worked but creates chain of disappointments as well. My drive to be patient also builds up a growing anger within which was really unhealthy. I am really confused.
STRENGTHEN THE MINDSET - negative thoughts provoke frowning on otherwise beautiful days that I worked hard.
KEEP CALM - on things that you couldn't figure out just yet. No rush.
In 2021, I am decided to LOVE myself , by pursuing the things that truly sparks JOY within me.
Remember, it all starts with ME! So. me first!